A Thousand Times a Day
by youarethemoon
Summary: Edward, doing what he believes is right, leaves Bella to protect her from a dangerous secret from his past. Extremely depressed, Bella turns to Jacob for comfort until Edward returns, and then is forced to pick between her two loves for the final time.
1. Epilogue: Losing Him Again

Disclaimer: All characters behind this work of fanfiction belong to Stephenie Meyer. All ideas that this fanfiction are based on belong to me.

It was happening again. My heart seemed to stop pounding and I gasped for air, as if my lungs had disappeared. This had to be a nightmare. After everything we had been through, it couldn't happen again. I couldn't lose him again.

"Edward, please," I gasped, reaching my hands out to grab his shirt. He stepped away slightly, and my arms dropped with a thud. "You can't be serious!"

I stared into his eyes, desperate to find a flicker of emotion. They remained as hard and cold as stone. I could feel myself losing control. "What did I do to deserve this **again**!?" I whispered, emphasizing the word again, hoping to see him wince in pain from the guilt of what happened six months ago. Nothing.

"You did absolutely nothing Bella," he replied, his musical voice now sounding hard and distant. "My feelings for you have changed, and it would be in your best interest to move on now. You're free to live your life as it should be lived."

I shook my head emphatically, my wet hair slapping me in the face. Tears ran down my face, but Edward did not notice, nor did he care. "I don't want that life damnit! I only want you!"

Edward shook his beautiful head, gazing at me with pity. There was no love in his look. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice full of regret. "It wasn't my intention to hurt you again."

I sank to the ground, oblivious to the wet mud that was staining my clothes. The ground felt familiar and safe. This was the exact spot he left me last time. How fitting that I lose him here again. Forever. The rain started pouring down hard, and thunder boomed in the distance. "You don't have to do this. You don't have to hurt me again. Edward, I don't know if I can survive this time!"

He crouched down to look into my eyes. "Goodbye Bella," he murmured. He stroked my mud stained cheek. I flinched; his hands were like ice. I struggled to breathe, hoping to fight back the approaching darkness that I knew I could not escape.


	2. A Dangerous Future?

Disclaimer: All characters behind this work of fanfiction belong to Stephenie Meyer. All ideas that this fanfiction are based on belong to me.

"Alice, please!" I shouted, exasperated. "I like my hair and I would love to have some of it left after tonight, but at the rate you're going, all my hair will be burnt to a crisp by the dumb curling iron!"

Alice frowned slightly and grabbed another section of my hair, rougher than she had before. "Honestly Bella," she began, sounding upset. "You aren't anything like how I imagined a normal human girl to be."

I grinded my teeth, resisting the urge to bolt from the chair. The night had initially started as a private celebration for Edward and me, but had now somehow turned into an extravagant event that required me to be tortured for hours by Alice and her desire to make me "more beautiful than usual". "I thought we'd already established that I'm far from normal."

Alice looked thoughtful as she curled the last section of my hair. "That's very true. Most normal people wouldn't stay within 100 feet of a vampire, let alone consider marrying one!" She released my hair and unplugged the curling iron in one fluid motion, and then grabbed her make up kit. I let out a heavy sigh. No escaping for me anytime soon.

"Is this really necessary Alice? Edward and I are just going to the meadow; no one is going to see us there!" I grimaced as she dabbed blue eye shadow on my eyelids.

"Edward will see you! Don't you want to impress him?" Alice demanded, smiling innocently. "You have two and a half more weeks of being human, Bella. I'm trying to enjoy these last few moments. In nearly three weeks you won't need any make up because you'll be flawless! So can I please have my fun?"

I snorted, feeling insulted and amused at the same time. "I'm glad my human imperfections provide a certain amount of entertainment for you. Where is Edward, anyway?"

Alice gently swept a light pink shade of blush on my cheeks. "He's downstairs with Carlisle and Esme discussing wedding details. Would you prefer an indoor or outdoor wedding? I have to know soon because if you want an outdoor wedding I'll have to make sure the day will be cloudy but not rainy…." Alice froze. Her body became completely rigid as her eyes widened in horror, her mouth quickly muttering words I couldn't understand.

"Alice?" I questioned tentatively, turning around in my chair to face her. "What are you seeing? What's happening?"

She didn't respond. My heart thudded in my chest as various worries formed in my head. Maybe Edward is going to call off the wedding! Maybe Charlie is going to get into an accident…

"Bella?"

I felt a cold but familiar hand on my shoulder. I smiled at Edward, but his attention was focused on Alice. I knew he was sifting through her thoughts, trying to find out exactly what she was seeing. Suddenly, his eyes narrowed and his grip on my shoulder became painful.

"Ouch!" I yelped loudly. My shoulder was being crushed by his hand. The last thing I needed was Carlisle to tell me I needed to wear some kind of shoulder brace during my wedding – as if I wouldn't already look ridiculous enough.

Edward quickly released his hand just as Alice's vision ended. She blinked several times, her golden eyes full of worry. Edward shot her a questioning glance, to which Alice shook her head ever so slightly. I frowned, feeling left out.

"What was all that about?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood. "You guys both look so serious!"

Alice let out a giggle. It was too unnatural, too forced. Something was wrong. Edward smiled slightly, but the smile didn't reach his eyes, which remained cold and void of emotion. "It was nothing love," he reassured me, pressing his cool lips against my hair.

My heartbeat quickened, but not because he was touching me. I knew he was lying. Alice never had visions about "nothing". Knowing Alice's past visions, this one was probably just as important as the others, and most likely involved some crazy vampire intent on destroying me. Since I met Edward, I had become accustomed to such things. Why would he try to hide one of her visions now?

I let out a low sigh. As much as I wanted to beg him to tell me, I let it go. Tonight was too important of a night to ruin.

Edward wrapped his arm around me and I snuggled closer as we lay in the grass in the meadow where I had first seen Edward in the sunlight. It seemed so long ago, a simpler time, before talk of marriage, angry trackers, and vengeful vampires. Sometimes I think Edward was happier then, before we were so serious about each other. Before he knew he would, as he so happily puts it, "rip my soul out of my body and condemn me to hell".

The night was actually somewhat clear, a rare occasion in Forks, and I intended to use it to my advantage. I had it all planned out. A memorable setting, a clear sky with a few twinkling stars visible, curled hair, and eye shadow. How could Edward resist? I knew the agreement was to try once we were married, but I couldn't wait any longer.

I pulled away from Edward and sat up slowly. He had been strangely quiet the entire evening, and I couldn't help but feel it had something to do with Alice's vision. Every time he looked at me it seemed like he was suffering from some kind of internal conflict, and it made me nervous. The last time I had seen him like this…things didn't end well. I pushed the thought from my mind. He promised it would never happen again, and I had to believe him.

"Edward…" I began, clearing my throat. "I have a proposition."

He sat up quickly, his face lighting up a little. He enjoyed my attempts at changing his mind, although they were often futile. "I'm all ears Bella," he replied, smiling.

I felt my face begin to heat up – one of the pains of being extremely pale. I hoped that the darkness of the evening would cover my tomato red face, but I knew it couldn't disguise the heavy thundering of my heart. "Well, you know the agreement that we have with the whole making love thing? I think it's pretty pointless. You know I'm going to marry you and we'll be together forever," I babbled. "So I don't see why I should have to wait."

Edward laughed. "Ah, impatience. A human characteristic I don't miss having. You'll enjoy being a vampire Bella – after you live 100 years, waiting doesn't seem to be such a horrific thing."

I made a face at him. "Funny. Too bad you're a vampire; otherwise you could have had a successful career as a comedian. But you didn't answer my question."

Edward's face became serious. "You didn't ask a question."

I moaned, frustrated. There was no way I could come right out and ask him to make love to me, so I decided the best way to go would be to show him. I crawled over to him and pushed him back onto the grass, his eyes full of shock. I took advantage of his surprise, straddled him, and pressed my lips against his. I inhaled his scent, my mind becoming pleasantly numb as I opened my mouth slightly and pushed harder against him. He kissed me back, tentatively, but after a moment gently pushed me away.

Rejected again. I bit my lower lip as I inched away from him, pulling my legs to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I was beginning to think the only reason he was attracted to me was because my blood "sings" to him. After facing rejection twice, I knew he couldn't possibly be attracted to me in _that_ way. I hid my face in my arms, desperately trying to collect myself. _Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, _I thought quickly to myself.

"Bella," Edward sounded frustrated. "That was unfair. We've discussed that and you know the conditions under which I'll try and fulfill your insane request – the most important one being that we are **married**."

I didn't respond.

"Are you upset?" he asked, sounding incredulous.

"Yeah, I am upset. But I guess you wouldn't understand, since disappointment and sadness are human emotions," I responded, my voice dripping with sarcasm.

His face hardened. "I might not be human, but I understand how it feels to be upset. Now, if you're done making jabs at me for being a…well, inhuman, then maybe we can have a civilized conversation. Perhaps you could start by looking at me."

I stood up quickly. Edward was being different, distant. He wasn't being his usual loving, concerned self. Something was bothering him and he felt like he couldn't confide in me. It hurt.

"I'm ready to go home," I said, struggling to keep my tone even.

He shrugged and motioned for me to get on his back to run us back to his car.

He didn't even try to convince me to stay.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Yay, I feel accomplished! Chapter 1 is complete! I wanted to keep writing, but I'm going to try and keep my chapters a reasonable length. FYI, this fanfic is going to include Edward x Bella and Jacob x Bella. I know there's a lot of Jacob-haters out there (I don't like him much either, but he's a huge part of my storyline), but hopefully that won't keep you from continuing to read! I plan on having the next chapter up within a few days. Please review and let me know how you like it so far! 


	3. Secrets and Promises

Disclaimer: All characters behind this work of fanfiction belong to Stephenie Meyer. All ideas that this fanfiction are based on belong to me.

Rain. It came down in heavy sheets, the dark clouds impenetrable. I should have been used to it by now, but I still found it depressing. The constant dreariness, the vegetation, and the lack of brown – I found it unnatural. I turned away from the window and walked to my closet, frowning slightly at the lack of clothing I had available. I constantly denied Alice's requests to take me shopping, but now I wish I hadn't. I rummaged through my pile of clothes, found my raincoat, put it on, and headed downstairs.

In the kitchen, I pulled out one of the comfortable, wooden chairs and stared at the wall, thinking about last night. After dropping me at home, Edward left immediately, and didn't return till I was almost asleep. He said he had "things to do", but I somehow felt as if the separation was intentional. He had laid stiffly on the bed; his arms awkwardly wrapped around me, and took minutes to respond during the conversation. My stomach gurgled uncertainly; I knew something was extremely wrong, and I intended to find out what today. He had skillfully avoided the topic of Alice's vision last night, most likely successful because I was exhausted, but he wouldn't be able to do it today. I had every right to know, and I intended to find out.

There was a loud knock on the door. I stood up slowly, going over possible confrontations in my head. I unlocked the door to find Edward, soaking wet, looking troubled. "Hello Bella," he greeted me, coming only slightly inside. "How are you feeling?"

I sighed. His voice was guarded, as were his eyes. Hiding something. Something important.

"I'm fine," I replied, trying to smile. "Just a little tired. I didn't have such a great sleep last night."

I moved to close the door, but his alabaster hand quickly shot out, holding it open. "Would you like to take a walk?" Edward asked politely. "I know it's raining, but…"

I shot him a look. He knew how I felt about rain. But instead of arguing, I nodded glumly and pulled the hood of my raincoat over my hair. "Lead the way."

We stepped outside and the rain bombarded us; I could already feel my jeans start to get wet. Edward reached out for my hand and I raised my eyebrows, surprised by the show of affection. After last night, I had been expecting the same distant Edward who I had fallen asleep beside. Thunder reverberated through the sky as lightning danced ominously in the clouds. The wet grass sloshed beneath our feet and I could feel the mud soaking through my rain boots.

I cleared my throat, preparing to confront Edward about his secret keeping, but stopped after he spoke. "How do you feel about secrets?" he question, his golden eyes smoldering.

"I don't like them," I replied simply. "Keeping secrets doesn't help a relationship. Nothing good comes from keeping secrets."

Edward looked pained. He squeezed my hand tightly and directed me to the forest near my house – the one I had promised him to stay out of so long ago. He gracefully walked through the muddy ground, while my heavy steps caused me to sink into the mud, and I flailed as I nearly fell over. Edward maneuvered us quickly through the tree branches, his hand still clasped around mine.

We stopped as we approached two rocks in a small clearing, and Edward motioned for me to sit down on the other as he lowered himself onto the larger one. I shook my head and plopped myself down onto his lap and cuddled closely against him. He let out an exaggerated sigh and made a face at me, and then wrapped his strong arms around me.

"What if telling the secret would cause nothing but trouble for the other person? What if she was better off not knowing?" He inquired, looking serious.

I thought for a moment and then replied, "I think she should be given a chance to say whether or not she wants to know. But let me ask, are we speaking hypothetically or…?"

He flashed a grin at me, his white teeth standing out clearly against the gray fog that settled around us. "Hypothetically, of course."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Hypothetically…_riiiight_."

He squeezed his arms tighter around me. I sat motionlessly as he pressed his nose delicately into the back of my neck and through my hair. He inhaled deeply, as if trying to remember my scent forever. Suddenly he stopped, and turned me around so we were looking into each other's eyes. His attitude switched from slightly teasing and happy to completely serious. I sat quietly, waiting.

"I'll be going out of town for a couple of days," Edward started slowly, picking his words carefully. "Maybe three or four."

"Where are you going? Why are you leaving?" I immediately asked, knowing he wouldn't answer.

"Bella," he sighed. "Trust me, please. This isn't the proper time or place. I need you to trust me." His eyes smoldered, and I struggled to catch my breath. Unable to voice my answer, I nodded instead.

"I know you haven't seen him in months, but while I'm gone I want you to stay with Jacob," he continued.

"Absolutely not," I snapped, hating the way the conversation was going. What was going on? Edward knew how I felt about being around Jacob; how could he even consider me staying with him an option? "Jacob and I haven't spoken in at least a month – for a good reason. I can't hurt him anymore, Edward. You of all people should understand why I can't see him anymore."

"Bella," his voice was pleading, full of concern. "Please stay with Jacob."

It was phrased as a request, giving the illusion that I had a choice. One look into Edward's eyes told me differently. I would be forced to stay with Jacob whether I liked it or not. I tensed in Edward's arms, trying to control the explosion of accusations and hurtful words I wanted to fling at him.

I took a deep breath and looked up, finally noticing that the rain had stopped. I counted to ten in my head and spoke only after I knew I had complete control of my emotions. I looked back down at him, still fully appreciative of his beauty. Keeping my mind focused, I started my argument again.

"I won't go Edward! It isn't fair! You haven't told me anything lately! Something's changed – I'm not blind. Why can't you tell me?" I asked, sounding almost pleading.

Edward removed his arms from around my body and quickly found my freezing hands. I winced as he grabbed them – holding his hands felt like holding ice – but felt somewhat relieved at the familiarity and happiness I immediately felt after holding his hands. "Bella, I need you to do this. For me."

His golden eyes were blazing, full of emotion. He looked so beautiful, so angelic, that I had to look away. He stroked my frigid hand with his thumb, and I could feel all my arguments melting away. He was dazzling me, and he was doing it intentionally.

"Fine," I mumbled unhappily. "I'll stay with Jacob. But if Charlie comes home early, he won't be happy about it."

Edward laughed. "Charlie is miles away, and isn't due home for another week. Besides, he would be much happier to see you with Jacob," he added thoughtfully.

"Well, Charlie doesn't know anything," I muttered, feeling awkward because I couldn't deny Edward's claim. "He's biased, anyway. He's known Jake a lot longer than he's known you."

Edward smiled and pressed his lips briefly against mine. "I appreciate you trying to stand up for me. We both know you would be safer with Jacob, but…"

"But I can't live with you?" I added, delicately following the contour of his jawbone with my finger.

"You could live without me and you should live without me," he disagreed, frowning slightly. "But as I've said numerous times, I'm far too selfish. I want you, and that's the only thing that matters to me right now." He scooped me up into his arms and began to walk out of the forest.

"I can walk!" I whined.

"If I allow you to walk, you'll get messier than you already are. I'm sure you don't want to spend hours cleaning up the mud you trail in today."

I stuck my tongue out at him, but I was secretly thrilled he wasn't letting me go. Things felt normal, safe.

After a few minutes we were at my doorstep, and Edward gently put me down. The fog was still thick and the air felt heavy, but there was still no rain – amazingly enough. "When?"

Edward, busy wiping excess mud off my jeans, rose, his face confused. "When what?"

"When are you going to tell me what Alice saw?"

Edward growled, sounding completely frustrated. "You never forget things, do you?"

"Not things like that!" I replied, a bright smile plastered across my face.

He made a face at me, still looking gorgeous despite the ridiculous expression. I reached out for his hand and held it tightly, still smiling at him.

"When?" I pressed, not giving up.

"Later," he promised.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE:** Oooh! Tension between Edward and Bella – are things finally okay!? Chapter 3 should be up by the end of this weekend. Please read and review!


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